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Theodore Roosevelt said, “The single most important ingredient of success is knowing how to get along with people.” 

Of course, Roosevelt never met that annoying guy in accounting you have to deal with every week, did he? And he certainly didn’t have your in-laws.

Funny thing, it seems that even the folks we find particularly difficult to deal with have friends, spouses, and social lives. So it’s clear that someone is able to get along with them. Why not us? By putting in just a little effort up-front, you can better deal with the difficult people in your life. Here’s how:

1. Identify their difficult-ness

Just what is it about them that you find so “difficult?” Think back to the original situation when you officially classified them as such. Make sure that your assessment is the result of a pattern of demonstrated behavior, and not the result of a single interaction upon which you’ve been focusing. Once you’re sure, there’s a pattern, come up with a few examples.

2. Think about their overall goals

They may be difficult, but they’re still human. They have goals and objectives, and in most cases “being difficult” is not one of them. Consider what overall goals are driving their “difficult” behavior. Is that guy in accounting who annoyingly nags you for additional receipts just trying to drive you nuts, or does his pending promotion require that he collect flawlessly accurate documentation? Sometimes reflecting on the goals that affect a person’s “difficult” behavior can provide enough insight to make them tolerable.

3. Consider their possible fears

We all have fears, even if we don’t realize what they are. Some folks fear not getting work done on time. Others fear criticism. Or they are afraid they’ll be taken advantage of. These fears impact our behavior, even to the point of being perceived as “difficult” to some folks. If you consider that your “difficult” person actually has some fears that drive them, you might just see that person in a different light.

4. Observe their strengths

Perhaps the office assistant is “difficult” at times, but she’s a little easier to take when you realize that her natural affinity for details and organization actually makes your life easier in some ways. Or think about your “difficult” team leader whose confidence and assertiveness enables her to successfully negotiate a deadline extension on your behalf. What strengths does your “difficult” person bring to the table and how do those strengths provide value to the organization?

5. Look at the “flip side” of those strengths

Our strengths are positive, right? Most of the time they are, but sometimes they can be over used—and an overextended strength can be at the root of your “difficult” person. For example, self-confidence is a desirable strength. But when it’s overdone, we see that same person as cocky. To better understand your “difficult” person, assess what is annoying you and look for the strength behind it.

6. Determine how they judge others

How does your “difficult” person assess and judge others? Some folks judge others based on their ability to complete tasks. Others make judgments based on a person’s people skills. Or their problem-solving talents. Or how well a person can persuade and influence others. When someone makes judgments based on values completely different from yours, there’s more room for conflict—which is why you consider them “difficult.”

7. Figure out their motivators

As Dr. Phil might say, “What’s their currency?” Is maintaining a harmonious family top priority? Or are they mostly driven by career accomplishment? Does their competitiveness define them? Or is it most important to them that everyone just get along? Is what motivates them contributing to what you’re assessing as being difficult? 8. Note their reaction to stress Apply enough stress, and you’ll see a person’s behaviors change. Consider if the “difficult” behaviors you’re seeing are a result of stressful situations. Someone who inspires enthusiasm in others may become glib or appear superficial when under a lot of stress. Under stress, a supportive, dependable team player can become detached, inflexible, and even stubborn.

9. See their perspective

Perform all of the steps above, and you’ll likely have a pretty good idea of that “difficult” person’s perspective on the world. And seeing that perspective brings some “aha” moments. “Oh, that’s why he got so worked up when I didn’t reply immediately….” Now, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t still exhibiting difficult behaviors that you might need to address at some point, but you probably understand them better now.

10. Consider your own behaviors

Now that you’ve dissected the “difficult” person, you must consider your own behaviors and how that person likely perceives them. It’s never fun to think that we might be contributing to the problem, but you must take a look at the possibility that perhaps they see you as “difficult.”

11. Empathize

This step is easy if you’ve actually done each of the prior steps. Once you see things through another person’s perspective and understand their behaviors better, empathy seems to come more naturally.

12. Speak their “language”

Armed with new insights about your “difficult” person, adapt your communication approach to better match their perspective on the world. If they value accuracy and high-standards, responding to them from that view shows respect to their feelings. Making this effort can help you head-off conflict and avoid triggering the “difficult” behaviors they’ve demonstrated in the past.

These 12 steps take a little effort. You may be questioning why you should have to do anything—after all, he’s the difficult one! Well, a very wise person—who I at one time considered particularly “difficult”—once told me that I had a choice: I could take the short-term pain or I could take the long-term pain. 

Bryce Christiansen is an avid careerist, who runs The People Profiler, a web app that helps you connect with others by understanding their strengths, goals, fears, and perceptions. A version of this story first appeared the 12 Most blog. 

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The internship program at my former agency was an amazing experience. 

Several interns became full-time staff, and it’s been a great way for coordinator-level people to learn about management. 

If you’re a recent grad or someone who’s been lucky enough to land an internship in a PR shop this summer, here are five words to live by:

1. Listen. You don’t know everything (or very much) about PR, because it is a craft best learned by doing. Listen way more than you talk. You’ll get more from your internship experience.

2. Ask. Pose lots of questions. No reasonable human expects an intern to know a ton. A few things I’d want to know: What do the managers read to stay up on this ever-changing industry? What do pros do to keep their basic PR skills—such as writing—sharp? How does an organization manage social media when multiple departments are involved? What techniques work when pitching reporters? And loads more.

3. Diligence. You have to come to play every day. You want to go enjoy drinks in the summer sun? Totally fine. Just make sure that when you show up for work the next day you actually do some. I don’t give a damn that “it was a big one last night.”

4. Dress. It has to be appropriate and fit the setting. I know, you’re young and hot, but I assume you want to be known as more than that. Labels like “capable” or “competent” are nice, too. This is an office, not a night club.

5. Humility. There’s nothing more annoying than an egotistical newbie. A quiet confidence is fine, but please be humble. You will be right sometimes, but you’ll certainly be wrong a lot, too (especially at the start of your internship/career).

Hope this helps, and may you have a great internship this summer. Good luck!

A version of this story appeared on the blog, Proper Propaganda.This story first ran on PR Daily in April 2011.

Millennials are a fascinating group. 

On the older side of the generation, there are people like me who remember (although not exactly fondly) a time before the Internet. Then there are those for whom there is no alternative to the Internet—it’s just something that’s always been there. 

One thing we all have in common, however, is that we love to visit restaurants. In fact, Darren Tristano, Technomic vice president, recently told QSR, “Millennials visit restaurants more frequently than any other generation.” 

Technomic recently studied how millennials view chain restaurants based on social responsibility, food quality, and their support of local community activities. Some suggest that millennials may be playing it too safe, and their choices in chain dining (I’m loathe to admit) tend to confirm that. 

Here’s the breakdown of top restaurants, based on social responsibility, food quality, and support of local community activity. 

Social Responsibility 

In-N-Out Burger – Quick Service
McAlister’s Deli – Fast Casual
Cracker Barrel Old Country Store – Family-Style
Logan’s Roadhouse – Casual Dining

Food Quality 

Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwich Shop – Quick Service
McAlister’s Deli – Fast Casual
Cracker Barrel Old Country Store – Family-Style
Red Lobster – Casual Dining

Supports Local Community Activities 

Chik-fil-A – Quick Service
Corner Bakery Cafe – Fast Casual
Bob Evans – Family-Style
Bonefish Grill – Casual Dining 

Source: Technomic Consumer Restaurant Brand Metrics 

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It’s that time again, when an army of newly minted graduates hits the streets (or, more literally, laptops) to land that first job. It may be the tightest employment market in years, but the challenge of finding work is probably good preparation for what’s to come. If you’re determined to break into PR, here’s my best advice.

Use every connection you have. Neighbor’s son-in-law’s girlfriend work at a PR agency? Ask for an introduction. Share a hometown, hobby, or favorite sports team with an employer? Let her know. Be polite, but be persistent, and don’t be shy. This is not a career for the faint of heart.

Ask for advice, not a job. Of course your goal is to be hired, but you may get further if you ask a senior executive for 10 minutes of his or her time to get the best advice about breaking in to the industry. It’s a bit harder to turn that down, and your strategy should be to get on the radar.

Perfect your writing. In a competitive job market, a grammar error, tortured phrase, or typo will eliminate you, plain and simple. (This post about résumé gaffes is just the tip of the iceberg!) Learn to write for brevity, rather than for term-paper-like word counts. Be punchy. Be bold. But be brief.

Don’t spam. It’s amazing how many emails I get with another agency’s name in the body, or with telltale font changes or other signs of an e-blast. A mass email tells an employer that you’re not serious. And never, ever, start a note with “To Whom It May Concern.” Prospecting for a job is a lot like pitching media; the personal approach is time-consuming, but it’s the only way to do it.

Be social. As in following prospects on Twitter, engaging them on Facebook, and participating in industry or company LinkedIn groups. Consider Facebook ads, an introductory video of yourself, a career-themed Pinterest board. Show that you understand the medium and how to use it.

Get real. Experience, that is. Most agencies require at least one internship. Interviewing PR pros about their daily routines, studying the media and developing knowledge in a niche area or vertical category is also helpful. When I co-taught a graduate-level PR course, I was impressed by what the students knew that I didn’t. Cool stuff, like persuasion theory. But, very few had enough practical knowledge to write a solid client recommendation memo. The more practical experience you have, the better.

Have opinions. The best way to persuade an employer that you can help a client stand out is to do it for yourself. In an interview or short cover letter, offer some independent thinking. It’s more impressive if, instead of saying how much you’d die to work on their newest client, you have thoughts or ideas about the client’s business, the category, or a competitor. If an employer asks what you think of her agency’s website, be prepared with a thoughtful answer, not empty flattery. If she doesn’t ask, volunteer it. PR people are recommenders. Be one.

Package yourself. Make your strengths relevant. Be a storyteller, but prepare your narrative in advance. One of my worst interviews occurred when a recruiter asked me to tell her about myself. I babbled a life chronology rather than controlling the interview and focusing on relevant strengths. The open-ended questions can be the hardest, so have your “key messages” ready.

Show, don’t tell. In telling your story, illustrate your strengths with anecdotes and examples. Don’t just brag about your best qualities.

Be a media junkie. Nothing warms a PR executive’s heart like a true student of the media. Drop names, visualize stories, show that you’ve not only done your homework, but that you consume a broad diet of traditional and social media on your personal time and take an interest in PR industry and business topics and developments. You are what you read.

Be curious. Always ask questions. Even if you’re speaking with six executives in a row and have heard the corporate spiel from each of them, ask them something. Even if you know the answer. Your job is to show engagement.

Have other suggestions that have worked? Please share!

Dorothy Crenshaw is CEO and creative director of Crenshaw Communications. She has been named one of the public relations industry’s 100 Most Powerful Women by PR Week. A version of this story first appeared on her blog.

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Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was a master at PR. That was clear before John F. Kennedy was elected president when she wrote campaign dispatches that were sent out over the wire. And it was clear after she became First Lady, when she turned the spotlight on culture and the arts in America.

But Jackie’s public relations genius also extended to six major historic preservation projects—including saving Grand Central Terminal, a case that went all the way to the Supreme Court—in which she was pivotal. 

Here are five things anyone in PR can learn from Jackie’s masterstrokes:

Be likeable. 

It may seem obvious that whether it’s you or your client, the golden rule applies. But being likeable is more than just about being nice to others. It means you need to understand other perspectives, and take your messages to where they are. Speak their language, literally. Jackie spoke French to the French. She spoke Spanish in Miami to the Latino community. 

In both cases, her audience was enthralled by the respect she showed for their culture. And they could not help but like her, which translated into votes, bankable good will, a bigger stage, and influence over more people.

Identify the Influencers. 

In her effort to stop the Eisenhower-inspired demolition of the Federalist-era townhomes lining Lafayette Square in front of the White House to make room for modernist government buildings, Jackie quickly found the one person who could at least slow the project “down to a walk.” 

That person was the man who wrote the checks at the General Services Administration. 

She pled her case to him, which bought enough time for her to find a new architect who could solve the problem. In the end, architect John C. Warnecke found a way to build the new space behind the old one, keeping the historic façades.

Be selective involving the media. 

She gave a dramatic televised tour of the White House in 1963 (for which she won an honorary Emmy and 50 million people tuned in). 

Later, in 1975, Jackie was horrified to learn that Grand Central faced a destructive office tower redevelopment plan. While she rarely gave interviews, especially in her post-White House years, she knew there was only one way to force the beleaguered city to take notice—call a press conference. 

She was the star of the event, held in the train station’s famous Oyster Bar. When she spoke, the press went absolutely silent, until the camera flashes popped. 

Again, in 1982, when Lever House on Park Avenue was threatened to be torn down, Jackie identified the influencer (New York Comptroller Jay Goldin), met him at City Hall, and made sure the paparazzi were there when she kissed him on the cheek out front. Jackie got her way. 

She employed the same tactic in 1984, when, in an effort to stop St. Bartholomew’s Church in Manhattan from being torn down, she had her picture taken with legislators in Albany. They, too, voted her way.

Give good quotes—and write moving letters. 

In the Grand Central case, Jackie hand wrote an appeal to then-mayor Abraham Beame in which she said: “Is it not cruel to let our city die by degrees…?” He had to agree. 

In 1987, in her campaign to block developer Mort Zuckerman from building an enormous tower at Columbus Circle in New York, she eloquently complained: “They’re stealing our sky!” Nothing new was built there in her lifetime.

Be political, when applicable. 

Jackie learned from the best of them—the Kennedy family. Before she undertook any campaign—whether it was restoring the White House (and getting the public to donate rare antiques rather than asking taxpayers to foot the bill) or saving Lafayette Square—she made sure she understood the legalities involved and how public perception would affect the decisions elected officials made. She also considered who needed political cover and how she could provide it, and how a story would play on Main Street. In a way, being political means being masterful at all four of the above tenets, which Jackie was in spades.

In addition to being SVP and Chief Content Officer at InkHouse, Tina Cassidy is the author of the newly released “Jackie After O: One Remarkable Year When Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Defied Expectations and Rediscovered Her Dreams.”

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Scan Oreo’s Facebook posts, and something quickly becomes clear. Every post is about Oreo. They may not all feature specific products, but they all tie in to the brand somehow.

According to Facebook’s own researchers, that’s the most effective way to engage with fans on the site.

“The topicality of page posts impacts all types of engagement,” says Elisabeth Diana, corporate communications manager at Facebook. “Speaking in the voice of the brand, talking directly about your product or service, or a topic related to the brand, is the best way to engage with fans of your page.”

That seems to run counter to at least some notions of the best practices for brands on Facebook. For instance, an InformationWeek article from December warns, “Be sure to avoid over-focusing on your brand; fans know who you are already.”

A recent Facebook study of hundreds of posts among more than 20 brands found that fans tend not to respond to posts that aren’t about the brand.

Key findings

For the study, Facebook’s research team divided brand posts into three buckets: posts strictly about products and services, posts related to the brand but not about specific products, and those completely unrelated to the brand.

You can find examples of all three at TGI Friday’s Facebook page. A poll about the chain’s new pretzels fits into bucket one, a question about a late night out fits in bucket two (Friday’s brand evokes the weekend after all), and a joke about the Mayan end of the world goes into bucket three.

That last example from Friday’s actually got a good many “likes,” but it’s the exception, Diana says.

“The bottom-line result is that posts related to the brand and the posts related to a product or service are the ones that are significant predictors of actions,” she says. “The third, unrelated, is not a significantly predictive page post.”

That means a post on your Facebook page that isn’t about your brand is the only type of post that doesn’t correlate with engagement.

What they mean

Diana says there’s still plenty of research to be done on how brands should behave on Facebook to get the highest possible engagement.

“This is just the beginning of the research we’re starting to do,” she says.

Next, Facebook will probably look at how post frequency affects fan reaction.

“It may not be the nature of the message that people are sick of hearing,” Diana says. “It may be it’s too often.”

As for the findings so far, Christine Campbell of Resolute Digital says they fit with her experience on Facebook. Most people are there to hang out with friends, she says. If they follow brands, they’re probably looking for deals.

“It makes perfect sense that Levi’s posts mentioning Levi’s—new styles, discounts, etc.—would have a better engagement statistics than some obscure post only peripherally relating to Levi’s,” Campbell posits.

Shel Holtz of Holtz Communication + Technology points out that people “like” brands on Facebook because they’re interested in the brand, not because they want to chat about their local sports team with them (unless the brand is related to that team). However, that doesn’t mean brands shouldn’t post about other topics.

“Being conversational makes the page more approachable,” he says, “but it’s mostly brand information that brand fans want.”

Campbell says Facebook’s research will probably affect how brands present themselves on Facebook, and that most brands don’t really know what they’re doing there anyway.

“It is important for brands to remember that especially now, as the online user is adapting and becoming both more aware and tolerant of brand presence in personal social online worlds,” she says.

Other findings

A few other items in Facebook’s research fit a little more snugly in the conventional wisdom.

The data show that people are most likely to share posts that include photos, photo albums or videos, Diana says. “The times I’ve actively wanted to share this with other people, it’s always been a video,” she adds.

To get “likes,” ask for them.

“If you say, ‘Like this if…’ you’re going to get likes,” Diana offers. Those posts don’t get shared or commented on very often, though.

If it’s comments you want, ask a question. But Diana warns those posts are less likely to net likes or shares.

That all may seem like common sense, but Diana says “It’s nice to have research to really show and illustrate this.”

Matt Wilson is a staff writer for Ragan.com.

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